before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
