yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
