Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
