Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize