You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
