i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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