i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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