Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
