If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize