yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
