I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
