she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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