I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
