I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
