Are we in a gay sports bar?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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