I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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