Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
high people should be assigned attendants
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
