he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
