Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
