i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize