Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
