dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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