Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
