Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
