shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So vagazzling was a success
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
