Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
