I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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