so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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