Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
send nudes
from the living room?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
