i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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