Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
