So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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