just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize