Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He kissed a someone with a penis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
