i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
