I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
