bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
