Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
