I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
