Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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