we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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