Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
