Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
