farters have to be the big spoon...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
