Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
