I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
