So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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