I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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