I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
