Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
