I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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