my mouth tastes like poor choices
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize