i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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