I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
