The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize