It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
