Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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