Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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