I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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