and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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