I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
