is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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