he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
