these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
