Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
