OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
