The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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