Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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