I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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