hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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