Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
