and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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