Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
