Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
