I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
