Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
