I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
