Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
