btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
