Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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