Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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