I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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