So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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