i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
