you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
