party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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