I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
