He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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