Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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