Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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