I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
