You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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