wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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